WASHINGTON, D.C. — The entire Democratic congressional contingent announced they would all place themselves in self-quarantine so they would not have to face any more questions about why they’re over-hyping the coronavirus outbreak.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said she ordered the self-quarantine after a voter in her district had the nerve to ask her why she was claiming everyone was going go die and the country was going to collapse when those were obvious lies.
“I don’t have to take that kind of abuse from a voter,” Pelosi snorted. “Who does that person think they are? This was a perfect opportunity for Democrats to attack President Trump, and we weren’t about to let it slip away!”
Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer agreed.
“Hey, never let a good crisis go to waste, that’s what I always say,” the New York Dem sniffed as he escorted the Speaker into a basement room where the rest of the Democrat contingent had gathered. “Who cares if the virus isn’t that big of a deal? Exploit it, baby, exploit it. But, uh, we don’t feel like we have to explain that to anyone, especially voters.
“What do they know about politics anyway?” Schumer added.
Asked when the Democrats were going to come out of self-quarantine, Pelosi said — as she prepared to slam the doors shut to the room — “When the questions about our coronavirus motives stop!”