NEW YORK — The head of MSNBC has announced that he will direct his network to begin broadcasting more content from Fox News so that he can boost viewership numbers.
“Look, I’ve tried everything to get people to watch this damned network, and nothing I’ve done has worked,” said CEO Philip T. Griffin. “I’ve been operating under the impression that everyone hates America as much as we do, but I guess that isn’t the case.”
Griffin acknowledged that MSNBC’s hosts and contributors seem to have — his words — “a hate-hate relationship” with ‘Merica, while admitting that Fox News’ hosts and contributors, by and large, love our country and want it to succeed.
“That seems to be a much more successful business model, loving our country,” Griffin admitted. “So rather than reinvent the wheel over here at ol’ MSNBC, I figure the better alternative is just to use more of what is working: Fox News content.”
Asked when the new programming would be added, Griffin said “immediately.”
“I can’t wait to implement this ‘sometime down the road,'” he said. “I’m lucky to still have a danged job. I can’t sit around here and wait for things to improve anymore. I’ve gotta act! So, let the Fox News programming commence.”
Griffin says he’s also open to adding some One American News content as well because “heck, they seem to be on the ‘love America’ bandwagon too.”