CASCADE, ID — The townsfolk in this sleepy community awoke with sighs of relief after hearing that a Boise-based sportsman finally managed to catch a super-sized goldfish that had been terrorizing the town for years.
Lester Holden, who’s won several sports fishing competitions, said he’s been hunting the “monster” for months, but even using the most modern technology, his prey proved elusive.
“This here fish isn’t a normal critter, as you can plainly see,” Holden told reporters. “He’s not just big, he’s bigly elusive. Just when I thought I was gettin’ close to capturing him a time or two, he’d find a way to escape. It’s like, I don’t, he could sense me or something.”
Legend has it that the fish used the town’s sewage system to move about, finding a way to slither into homes where it would prey on pet fish tanks and leave behind nothing but bones and carnage.
“It was superhuman, what this monster was capable of,” Holden said. “Everyone who lives here has heard the stories, had nightmares of seeing their children’s pet fish brutally mauled and murdered. And he always got away, somehow.
“But them days are over,” he continued. “No more terrorizing the citizenry. Now, perhaps, after all these years, the people here can start to heal, start to get on with their lives, what’s left of ’em. Might even get some tourism back, who knows?”
Asked what he planned to do with the monster goldfish’s carcass, Holden said he wanted to have it stuffed and mounted in the Cascade City Hall as a momento, but he said that wasn’t going to happen.
“People here….they’re just too afraid, still,” he said.