Trump to protect older Americans from coronavirus by raising age they are more likely to catch it

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump administration has taken a bold measure to protect older Americans from coronavirus this week after the president issued an executive order raising the age when they are more likely to be affected.

“This president is committed to ensuring the most vulnerable in our society are protected from this terrible pandemic,” White House spokeswoman Stephanie Grisham said. “President Trump himself used to be in the age group most at risk for contracting the virus, but now he’s better protected just like other senior citizens.”

“We must all band together during this trying time to protect Americans who may otherwise not be able to protect themselves,” she continued. “Today, thanks to the president’s quick action, millions of vulnerable citizens are now going to be much more okay.”

Asked how long the order raising the age of coronavirus risk will last, Grisham had a ready response.

“Just as long as it needs to be in place,” she said adamantly. “We understand that wiping away age-related virus risk factors with executive action could be considered a constitutional insult to some, but we’re prepared to go to court if need be to defend the president’s order.

“Besides, it’s a safe bet we’ll get an older judge who is benefiting from this order too, so we like our chances,” Grisham added.

Grisham did not say whether the president would extend the order to cover the flu. “That might be one order too far,” she said.

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