WASHINGTON, D.C.– Likely 2020 Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden announced his plan to stop the spread of the coronavirus: Infect every American and the bug will have nowhere else to go.
“This is the kind of bold action I will take as president when confronted with deadly pandemics,” Biden told reporters here. “It’s the kind of leadership needed at precisely this moment in history.
“Unfortunately, that woman who’s in the White House now would never take this kind of step because she’s not strong like me,” Biden said.
Reminded that the president is a man — Donald Trump — Biden waved the reporter off. “Yeah, him too,” he said.
“Look, think of it. We could stop this corona beer in its tracks if someone at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. would just listen for once,” Biden insisted. “But the fact that they won’t tells you everything you need to know about them. AND me!”
Asked what he would do if some Americans refused to contract the virus voluntarily, Biden dismissed the question.
“No one will resist,” he assured reporters. “When I’m president, everyone will be only too happy to have a real leader in charge for once!”