NEW YORK— The Florida Marlins beat the New York Mets 4-0, ending the Mets chance of making the postseason. Citi Field announced that it would immediately convert its entire stadium into a temporary Spirit Halloween store, following the Miami Marlins’ stunning victory that officially ended the New York Mets’ playoff hopes.
“We looked around at the empty seats, the abandoned hot dog stands, and the sad echoes of ‘Take Me Out to the Ball Game,’ and thought, why not?” said Mets owner Steve Cohen, who confirmed that the decision was made after realizing that the team’s postseason prospects were “scarier than any haunted house we could imagine.”
The transformation includes aisles of inflatable skeletons in the outfield, fog machines replacing the infield sprinklers, and the bullpen now stocked with animatronic witches that scream whenever a Mets fan approaches. “It’s the perfect fit,” said Spirit Halloween CEO, who added that the stadium’s jumbotron would now play a continuous loop of horror movie trailers, intermixed with footage of Mets players striking out.
Fans expressed mixed feelings. “I mean… I love Halloween, and I love discounts on creepy masks, but I also love baseball,” said lifelong Mets fan Dave Rosenberg. “Guess I’ll just haunt the clearance rack while the Marlins haunt our dreams.”
Citi Field management confirmed that the arrangement is temporary but hinted that if Mets seasons continue to end prematurely, Spirit Halloween could become a permanent fixture. “We’re just trying to capitalize on the one thing New Yorkers are really good at: being disappointed,” said a spokesperson, handing out 20%-off coupons for fake vampire teeth.
