NEW YORK — Experts are calling this “the first universally positive piece of news since 2006,” as the NFL announced that Spanish musician Bad Bunny will headline the upcoming Super Bowl halftime show, instantly triggering a nationwide wave of joy, tears, and spontaneous street dancing.
Despite no songs in English and possibly being deported in the middle of the show, the NFL said this would be the perfect pick that everyone would definitely enjoy and that’s why the MAGA crowd erupted in joy all over social media.
They couldn’t believe their favorite artist will be on the biggest stage ever – and even get deported before the third quarter!
“For once, the NFL didn’t screw it up,” said lifelong football fan Carl Benson, who admitted he hasn’t felt genuine happiness since his second divorce but broke down sobbing at the announcement. “I don’t even like music, but this—this is beautiful.”
Sources confirmed that upon hearing the news, Wall Street temporarily halted trading so traders could twerk on their Bloomberg terminals, Congress recessed so members could sing “Yo Perreo Sola” in shaky unison, and a group of monks in Tibet were seen blasting “Dakiti” through a Bluetooth speaker.
“The Dalai Lama hasn’t smiled in six years,” said one witness, “but when he heard Bad Bunny was picked, he grinned, dabbed, and said, ‘La cultura.’”
Even typically skeptical corners of the internet expressed pure delight, with Reddit, Twitter, and Facebook users simultaneously agreeing that for once the halftime show would not feature “some washed-up rock fossil or a confused Gen Z TikTok influencer backed by hologram Tupac.”
At press time, Americans were already bracing for the crushing disappointment of remembering that Usher is technically still under contract for a guest appearance.
