WASHINGTON, D.C. — Emerging from a tense, hours-long meeting with congressional leaders over a looming government shutdown, former President Donald Trump declared that the entire discussion “was a total waste of time and absolutely could’ve been an email.”
“It was a bad meeting. Very boring. Nobody had snacks, nobody had Diet Coke, and all they did was talk about numbers, numbers, numbers,” Trump said, waving his hands as if shooing away a flock of pigeons. “I’ve seen longer lines at McDonald’s that accomplished more.”
According to aides, Trump became increasingly restless during the session, doodling “TRUMP TOWER: WHITE HOUSE EDITION” on a notepad and repeatedly asking if anyone had Wi-Fi so he could “live-Truth” the negotiations.
Sources report he suggested replacing the entire appropriations process with a group chat. “We’ll make the group chat tremendous, the best group chat. Everyone will be in it — except maybe Nancy Pelosi. She wouldn’t even get the notifications right,” Trump explained.
When pressed on the consequences of a shutdown, Trump shrugged. “Look, I ran the government like a business, and sometimes businesses close for renovations. Very normal. Very smart. We’ll shut it down, reopen it, and it’ll be like a grand re-opening — maybe with balloons.”
As staffers quietly packed up their papers, Trump left the building insisting he would only attend future meetings if they included “complimentary golf passes or at least a decent buffet.”
