WASHINGTON, D.C. — A large crowd of demonstrators accidentally formed a counter-protest against themselves Thursday afternoon, but organizers say everyone will still be compensated for “expressing strong feelings in a public setting.”
The incident began when half the group misheard a chant and started yelling the opposite message.
“Someone shouted, ‘No peace, no justice!’ and the other side thought they said, ‘Know peace, know justice!’” said one bewildered participant. “Next thing we knew, we were arguing with each other about whether we were mad about the system or for it.”
Despite the ideological chaos, witnesses say everyone remained enthusiastic — especially once payroll confirmed payments would not be affected.
“I’m not really sure which side I was on,” said protester-turned-counter-protester Greg Miller, clutching two conflicting signs reading ‘Down With The Government!’ and ‘Support Our Institutions!’ “But as long as I get my $75 and a slice of pizza, I’ll protest for or against whatever you want. It’s all the same chant with different adjectives.”
Organizers attempted to restore order by clarifying the event’s purpose, but even they seemed unsure.
“We just hired whoever had a loud voice and free time before lunch,” said one coordinator, glancing nervously at a clipboard. “Half of these people were protesting Starbucks last week, the other half were Starbucks employees. Frankly, I’m just glad they showed up on time.”
By mid-afternoon, tensions escalated when both factions began chanting over each other, producing a rhythmic cacophony described by bystanders as “the sound of democracy melting.”
“I started out shouting ‘Down with oppression!’ and ended up shouting ‘Down with people who shout down with oppression!’” said one participant. “It’s been a real journey.”
At press time, the two sides agreed to merge after realizing they all get paid by the same mysterious nonprofit with an AOL email address.
