WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning show of bipartisanship, a new Gallup poll has found that 87% of Americans agree on one thing: they’d like both major political parties to be grounded — indefinitely — until they learn how to act like adults.
The survey revealed widespread frustration with constant partisan bickering, congressional tantrums, and what respondents described as “attention-seeking behavior unbecoming of people who run a country.” One participant summed it up bluntly: “They both need a time-out. No recess, no fundraising, and definitely no social media until they apologize to each other and mean it.”
Political analysts say the results reflect growing fatigue among voters who feel trapped in a never-ending custody battle between two sides that each insist the other “started it.”
In response to the findings, White House aides confirmed that President Trump and congressional leaders were “aware of the poll” but quickly began arguing over who should be grounded first. Meanwhile, Americans across the country reportedly celebrated the idea of sending Congress to its room — preferably without dinner, phones, or C-SPAN.
At press time, 93% of respondents said they’d also support “taking away their campaign money” if either party rolls its eyes during the next State of the Union.
