WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press briefing that economists are already calling “boldly delusional,” White House officials confirmed Thursday that inflation is now considered “mostly psychological” and urged Americans to “just stop thinking about it so much.”
“Look, if people would simply stop noticing prices, inflation wouldn’t feel nearly as bad,” said acting Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, speaking in front of a PowerPoint slide titled ‘Mind Over Markets.’ “We’ve found that grocery bills only hurt your wallet if you look at the receipt.”
The administration insists the problem is one of perception, not policy. “What Americans call ‘high prices,’ we call ‘economic mindfulness,’” explained Treasury Undersecretary Carl Renner. “If you center your energy and breathe through the pain of a $9 carton of eggs, you’ll find inner fiscal peace.”
When pressed by reporters about rent hikes and grocery costs, Leavitt remained firm: “We recommend the public take a deep breath, count to ten, and remember—it’s not inflation, it’s just vibes.”
Meanwhile, the Federal Reserve announced plans to address the issue through a new public awareness campaign called “Manifest Stable Prices,” encouraging consumers to visualize affordable goods until they reappear.
At press time, President Trump reportedly responded to the announcement by tweeting, “I beat inflation in 2019. With my mind.”
