If you thought avocado toast was just a millennial brunch staple, think again. The latest woke corporation has taken this beloved carb-on-top concept and tossed it into the ring of social justice with their newest marketing stunt: the world’s first gender-neutral avocado toast.
Because Regular Avocado Toast Just Isn’t Enough Anymore
Meet InclusiToast™, the brainchild of a team of marketers who apparently got bored of throwing rainbow sprinkles on everything and decided to go full conceptual. Their pitch? Avocado toasts should no longer be confined by the oppressive binary of ‘savory’ or ‘sweet.’ Instead, the InclusiToast™ embraces an infinite spectrum of flavors that defy traditional breakfast norms — much like how society defies traditional gender norms. Yes, the analogy is as forced as the caramel drizzle on top.
The InclusiToast™ comes in three revolutionary categories: ‘Unsure’ (a blend of both savory and sweet with avocado, beet hummus, and a drizzle of honey), ‘Fluid’ (avocado with spicy sriracha and a sprinkle of edible glitter), and ‘Nonbinary’ (a minimalist avocado smash with a dash of black salt and a tiny, edible rainbow flag). Customers are encouraged to “identify their toast” and share their experience on social media using the hashtag #ToastYourTruth.
Marketing Brilliance or Avocado Madness?
Critics say this is just another example of a corporation hopping on the woke bandwagon to sell overpriced toast to bored brunch-goers seeking validation. Proponents argue it’s a beautiful fusion of food and social consciousness that finally gives carbs the recognition they deserve in our culture wars.
Some highlights from customer feedback:
- “I identified as ‘Unsure’ today and honestly, my taste buds and identity both felt validated.”
- “Finally, a toast that understands my nonbinary sweetness and savory struggle!”
- “Why stop at toasts? When can we get woke-inclusive pizza?”
The Bigger Picture: Where Does It End?
With corporations scaling up their social justice seasoning, one wonders what’s next. Will we see gender-neutral coffee — where the bitterness doesn’t come from caffeine but from existential dread? Or perhaps vegan, gluten-free, pride-flavored kale chips that come with a side of allyship?
As it stands, the woke avocado toast is both a hilarious symbol of our times and a genuine attempt to make breakfast more inclusive, or at least more Instagrammable. One thing’s for sure: in the war for our wallets and virtue signals, the humble avocado has officially joined the front lines.
So next time you tear into your painfully hip toast creation, remember — it’s not just food, it’s a statement. Or at least that’s what the marketing team wants you to believe.
