Hollywood stars vow to make more pointless videos to help fight coronavirus
LOS ANGELES — In another attempt to portray themselves as completely tone-deaf to the plight of ordinary Americans suffering job losses and other economic…
Editorial Staff - Page 4
Trump orders wall built around Pelosi so she can no longer pretend to be president during coronavirus outbreak
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump signed an emergency order instructing the Army Corps of Engineers to build a wall around House Speaker Nancy Pelosi…
Tampa Bay Buccaneers to hire new assistant coach Will Welichik
TAMPA BAY — To assist veteran quarterback Tom Brady, who left the New England Patriots after 20 seasons, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are set…
NASA gives ‘all clear’ after ‘space traveler’ found passed out along Nevada road ID’ed as drunk guy from Bronx
USA — The Trump administration backed away from the brink of an interplanetary war after NASA announced that a “space traveler” Homeland Security agents…
Biden proposes giving every American coronavirus to stop the spread
WASHINGTON, D.C.– Likely 2020 Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden announced his plan to stop the spread of the coronavirus: Infect every American and the…
Company HR reps fielding more sexual harassment calls from wives whose husbands forced to work at home
U.S. — The head of a group of human resources professionals says now that more husbands are working at home thanks to the coronavirus,…
MSNBC fires host for praising Trump, claiming he broke ‘company policy’
NEW YORK — Angry over his sparse praise of President Trump, MSNBC brass revealed today that was the real reason they got rid of…
Nancy Pelosi vows to give up a botox treatment to show ‘solidarity’ with laid-off U.S. workers
SAN FRANCISCO — House Speaker Nancy Pelosi wants to show she’s a woman of the people during the coronavirus outbreak, when many are losing…
Wall Street set to gain 100,000 points on news Walmart will be able to restock toilet paper within a year
NEW YORK — Though stocks have taken a beating in recent weeks due to concerns about the spread of coronavirus, Wall Street is poised…
Trump to protect older Americans from coronavirus by raising age they are more likely to catch it
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump administration has taken a bold measure to protect older Americans from coronavirus this week after the president issued an executive…
Biden names 12-year-old ‘tweener as his ‘running mate in waiting’
WASHINGTON — Democratic president contender Joe Biden said today he has named a young ‘tweener girl as his “running mate in waiting,” claiming he’ll…
San Fran residents weary of dodging feces on the street thank Mayor Breed for ordering them to shelter-in-place over COVID
SAN FRANCISCO — Thousands of San Fran residents took to social media to offer an outpouring of support for Mayor London Breed after she…
Tom Brady leaving New England Patriots to be a starter for cruise ship shuffleboard league
BOSTON — After 20 seasons, legendary NFL quarterback and first-round Hall of Famer Tom Brady will be leaving the New England Patriots, but instead…
White House implores Americans to stop panic-buying of Q-Tips over irrational fear of ear wax epidemic
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House is asking Americans to stop panic-buying of Q-tips, saying that outsized fears of an ear wax epidemic are…
Trump asks Indiana Jones to retrieve the Holy Grail of Toilet Paper and save U.S. from coronavirus
SOMEWHERE IN SOUTH AMERICA — On a request from President Trump, Dr. Indiana Jones left the United States earlier today in search of the…