Trump plots takeover of politics with 3rd, 4th, and 5th new parties
MAR-A-LAGO — Former President Donald Trump, fresh off his well-received speech at CPAC, says he now believes he’s popular enough to take over all…
Politics
Biden appointing czar to study minimum wage increase long enough for issue to go finally go away
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After the Senate parliamentarian scrapped the $15-an-hour minimum wage increase from the House-passed COVID-19 bill, President Biden announced he remains committed…
Trump seen riding dirt bike at White House: “I feel great after a few days in Walter Reed”
By Frank Bojazzi/Crankers WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump was recently released from Walter Reed after spending a few days being treated for Covid-19. He…
Trump angers media after halting daily virus press briefings like they’ve been demanding
(WASHINGTON, D.C.) President Trump has angered the mainstream media after he abruptly ended daily coronavirus press briefings, which is exactly what they demanded he…
Cameras catch Mitt Romney revealing himself as Hillary Clinton during meeting with Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Unaware that cameras were still rolling during an Oval Office meeting, Mitt Romney inadvertently revealed himself to be Hillary Clinton, an…
Warren concerned Trump ‘unfairly’ withholding virus aid from people who falsified Native American heritage
BOSTON — Sen. Elizabeth Warren is calling on the Trump administration to ensure that coronavirus aid is distributed to Americans equally after learning that…
Trump administration deems makers of sex toys ‘essential businesses’ during mandatory virus self-isolation
WASHINGTON — The Department of Health and Human Services has deemed manufacturers of sex toys an “essential business” because officials say they will be…
Trump to begin holding virus press conferences in Latin so he can insult reporters without them knowing
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House announced that President Trump will start holding his daily coronavirus press conferences in Latin so he can hurl…
Joe Biden tells viewers during daily briefing that he turned 46 before he turned 45
VERMONT — During his daily coronavirus briefing, presumptive 2020 Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden said that he defied the normative aging process by turning…
Trump orders wall built around Pelosi so she can no longer pretend to be president during coronavirus outbreak
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump signed an emergency order instructing the Army Corps of Engineers to build a wall around House Speaker Nancy Pelosi…
Biden proposes giving every American coronavirus to stop the spread
WASHINGTON, D.C.– Likely 2020 Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden announced his plan to stop the spread of the coronavirus: Infect every American and the…
Nancy Pelosi vows to give up a botox treatment to show ‘solidarity’ with laid-off U.S. workers
SAN FRANCISCO — House Speaker Nancy Pelosi wants to show she’s a woman of the people during the coronavirus outbreak, when many are losing…
Trump to protect older Americans from coronavirus by raising age they are more likely to catch it
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump administration has taken a bold measure to protect older Americans from coronavirus this week after the president issued an executive…
Biden names 12-year-old ‘tweener as his ‘running mate in waiting’
WASHINGTON — Democratic president contender Joe Biden said today he has named a young ‘tweener girl as his “running mate in waiting,” claiming he’ll…
Bernie Sanders vows to remain in 2020 race long enough to remind Joe Biden he’s still running
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sen. Bernie Sanders promised supporters he would remain in the race for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination as long as it…