DES MOINES — The Iowa Democrat Party is blaming its inability to produce timely election results from the Monday caucuses on “Trump-Russia collusion,” claiming the White House and Moscow teamed up to engage in “election meddling.”
The allegations came as the state party scrambled to figure out what happened to a voting app as well as the telephone system at party headquarters.
“Dad blame it, I knew this was gonna happen,” declared Dick Burbia, the caucus manager for the state party.
“We got some intel a couple days ago from some insiders in the Trump campaign that the president and his Russian puppet master, Vlad Putin, were gonna try something,” Burbia told reporters outside the party’s headquarters. “But we had no idea it would be this major. It’s unreal.”
Caucus results in the past have been reported by most precincts usually by midnight on the night of voting. So results are very late this year.
One Democratic operative backed up the allegation of ‘Trump-Russia collusion’ by noting that the Republican caucus went off without a hitch.
“Now, you can’t tell me that’s a coincidence,” the operative, who asked that his name not be used, said. “That’s why they used paper ballots and hand-counters. Can’t hack those!”
The Trump reelection campaign downplayed the allegations.
“The next thing you know, they’ll be saying that President Trump ought to be impeached or something,” said campaign official Scott Wallabee. “Oh, wait…they’ve already done that.”
The campaign of Joe Biden pointed to the allegations as “proof” of ongoing cooperation between Trump and Putin, as well as an effort to sabotage his campaign.
“No way Joe Biden finishes fourth out of this field of Democratic candidates,” Jed Neeler told reporters. “I don’t care what that unreleased 538 poll says. No way Joe Biden loses Iowa. People love him here.
“This had to be the work of Trump and Putin,” Neeler added. “I’m a Democrat and you’ll never convince me otherwise.”