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Schiff says Trump will give Alaska to Russia if not impeached, but Moscow prefers Vermont

WASHINGTON, DC — House impeachment manager Adam Schiff claimed during closing arguments Monday that if Republican senators failed to impeach President Trump, he would give Alaska to the Russians.

“Trump could offer Alaska to the Russians in exchange for support in the next election,” he said.

“After all, everyone knows that Russia fixed the election to help him,” Schiff continued. “They’re that good. They can rig every election in every single district in all 50 states. That’s what happened.”

Later Monday, Russian President Vladimir Putin acknowledged that indeed, Alaska was once part of his country, but if had his preference, he’d pick Vermont.

“We have heard the American congressman and we appreciate that we could get back a large part of our empire,” Putin told reporters in Moscow.

“But let’s face it. Vermont is much smaller, a lot easier to maintain, and really kind of pretty,” Putin said.

Also, Putin acknowledged, “is no better place to get maple syrup for pancake.”

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