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Illinois governor signs legislation funding border wall to keep residents from fleeing Illinois

SPRINGFIELD — In an attempt to stop residents from fleeing his scandal-ridden, broke state, Illinois Gov. J. B. Pritzker signed a bill Friday authorizing funding for the construction of a border wall.

A spokesman for Pritzker said he supported an earlier version of the legislation that would have also funded machine gun posts every 100 yards, but he did not think that version would have passed the legislature.

“While this measure may seem controversial and extreme to some people, it’s in the best interests of the state and, ultimately, of those residents we force to live here,” Pritzker said ahead of the signing.

“And to be honest, I just felt that if I have to live in this hellhole, then everyone should have to as well,” he added.

Pritzker, a Democrat, said the wall became necessary because as more residents fled for viable states, Illinois had fewer and fewer working people to bilk with higher and higher taxes.

Asked if he believed that there is a point where people can be taxed too much, prompting them to vote with their feet, Pritzker said, “Well, yeah, why do you think we need a wall?”

Pritzker added that if there’s enough money left over, he planned on building a moat as well and will fill it with alligators.


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5 Comments

  1. Only the Illinois government and the Chicagoland area! The rest is pretty much normal, and the land south of here is more beautiful the farther south you go and the people have more common sense.

    1. No they DON’T have any common sense down here in southern Illinois. I think this is where the ancient aliens dumped all their DNA MISTAKES!!!

  2. “It’s about time. No one has a ‘right’ to just walk, run, or drive out of here. Period. Make them skydive! Period. Sink their watercraft, too! Period. You want money? We can sell our water! We got tons of it out there right off Michigan Avenue. California is as dry as Warren’s ninny! They’ll buy anything. You’re welcome! By the way, I led the fight to kill escapees from Romania so I know what the eff I’m saying. Period.” Joe Biden, Senator, Illinois.

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