BALTIMORE, Md. — Medical researchers at Johns-Hopkins Medicine said Wednesday they are on the verge of a vaccine that’s 100 percent effective at preventing Hollywood stars from engaging in random outbursts of political moralizing.
Dr. Clint Moreau, chief scientist at the hospital’s Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences school, said this has been a huge societal problem now for many years, but one that has gotten worse since the 2016 election.
“It’s gotten to the point where you can’t turn on an awards show without being relentlessly preached at,” Moreau told reporters here. “Worse, the preaching and moralizing isn’t even fact-based. I mean, most of these people are morons who don’t have a clue what they are talking about. And yet, we’re supposed to turn over the reins of power to them?.
“You can memorize some lines and recite them in a convincing way? Hey, good for you,” Moreau told reporters. “But what made you people experts on every facet of public policy?”
Moreau said most Hollywood stars couldn’t hack it in the real world and as such, they have no business trying to run the country.
“But we have help on the way,” he said. “Our vaccine transforms preachy, moralizing stars no one would ever vote for into humble, subdued folks who go back to acting and staying out of everyone’s business.”
The expert scientist went on to note that stars suffer from a condition they don’t even know they have called “Self-Importantitis,” which makes them think they have the political chops to run a superpower.
“It’s kind of sad, really, because stars often have no idea how to run their own affairs,” Moreau said.
The vaccine works by blocking the part of a star’s brain that has convinced him or her they are the second coming of George Washington. And he said the transformation back into a person people can like again is quick.
“It’s really kind of cool to watch that look of realization return to their faces that, ‘Hey, no way I’m smart enough to birth a nation, let alone tell people how to vote,'” Moreau added.