Research indicates that fat people would benefit most from a low-calorie diet

Researchers caution these results are just preliminary

SAN DIEGO, Calif. — In a stunning new analysis, researchers at the University of California say they have discovered what appears to be a link between weight loss and a reduction of caloric intake.

People who eat more calories are destined to be bigger and fatter, while people who can push their large backsides away from the dinner table found that their backsides aren’t so large anymore after a while, the analysis found.

“It’s a remarkable finding,” said Dr. Phillip H. Moore, the lead scientist in the study. “We actually saw fat cells explode under the microscope when they were starved of calories. If I can be a little unprofessional for just a moment, I have to say it was really kinda cool.”

For decades, scientists believed that people got fat through no fault of their own, and that obesity was the result of societal prejudices such as “income inequality” and emotional butt hurt — generally for being called “fatty.”

Scientists also believed that ‘fatness’ was caused by a failure to get an adequate education, forcing people into low-paying, non-skilled dead-end jobs that weren’t providing them a “living wage” of $15 an hour for a job worth half that much.

“It was none of those things,” Moore said. “In then end, we believe obesity is most likely due to the fact that people are putting too many calories into their pie holes.”

Asked if he had any recommendations based on the study’s results, Moore said he was still working on them.

“I don’t want to be too rash or quick in telling people straight out that less food will reduce their overall fatness. Our results are preliminary. The last thing we want is to be responsible for the needless destruction of the fast-food industry,” Moore noted.

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