California Democrats grant citizenship to all of Mexico, Central America

SACRAMENTO — Tired of sparring with the Trump administration over what state officials have characterized as “silly, little immigration rules,” Democrats in California have simply granted everyone in Mexico and California state citizenship.

“Really, we in modern-day California are living on stolen land,” said Gov. Gavin Newsom ahead of signing the citizenship legislation. “This land is their land, this land isn’t our land, from California, to the Redwood forests.”

Newsom said he had directed state agencies to prepare for the influx of new citizens “just as quickly as they can run, walk, and crawl across our border.”

Asked about what this would do to his relationship with the Trump administration, Newsom said he was expecting pushback from Washington.

“But you know, this is what makes our country great — well, our state, anyway — the ability to provide opportunities to every downtrodden soul we decide needs the help, when we want, not when they want,” Newsom said.

But isn’t California’s massive population already too much for its available resources, Newsom was asked.

“We are the land of plenty,” he responded. “And I want all of our new Mexican and Central American citizens to know something: You won’t have to pay for a darned thing!”

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