HOUSTON — After a Super Tuesday drubbing, Democratic presidential contender Michael Bloomberg decided to drop out of the race, but he was thrown a life raft by leading candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders.
“Look, we know how difficult it is to win in this country with radical, ultimately unworkable ideas like ours, but that said, I am announcing today that I will give some of my delegates to Mike Bloomberg if, you know, it’ll keep the little guy happy and in the race,” Sanders said Wednesday.
“Mike Bloomberg’s ideas are far more moderate, to be sure, and we like to think we’re the only real Communists in this race,” Sanders continued. “But let’s face it: The more of us running to beat Donald Trump, the better!
“Maybe if we give Mike some of our delegates, he can stay in the race and together we’ll get enough delegates to win the whole freaking thing at the convention,” Sanders continued. “We could be, like, co-Commie presidents or something! After all, it worked for the Clintons.”
Asked about former Vice President Joe Biden’s resounding performance last night, Sanders dismissed it.
“I love Joe, you know, but Joe doesn’t know where he is half the time,” Sanders said. “I’ve already sent a representative over to his campaign HQ to tell him we actually one more delegates than he did yesterday. I’m sure he’ll believe it.
“And besides, where do think Bloomberg’s delegates are really coming from that I’m giving him?” the Vermonter said with a sly grin.