CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — The Harvard University graduating class of 2020 has made a universal pact that though they realize they’re far smarter that normal Americans and in a much better position to succeed, they will intentionally make mistakes at their new places of employment, just to fit in better.
“I say, it’s going to be difficult to sort of underachieve intentionally,” noted Miles van Martin, the Class of 2020’s valedictorian. “When you’re so much more intellectually advanced than the ‘little people’ who are so far beneath you in terms of social status and whatnot, you really have to try to be as dumb as what comes naturally to your inferiors. But I think it’s going to be worth it because I want to be liked, too.”
Buffy van Pelt, an economics major who claims that socialism really does work for smart people, agreed.
“I am way more intelligent than most people I know, so entering into this pact was a huge sacrifice for me,” she said. “But there’s no reason to flout my intelligence. I mean, people will see it naturally, even if I am making a few purposeful errors in my work and judgment. I see no reason to rub my brains in other people’s faces.”
In addition to making purposeful mistakes at work in order to seem more like they’re just ‘regular’ Joes and Janes, the Class of 2020 also pledged to marry at least three times during their lives, drink boxed wine at public functions, and participate in “blue jean Fridays” in the office.
“These are all just commonsense things to do if the objective is to not seem like such an a-hole,” van Martin proclaimed. “But you know, if or when the situation demands it, I can turn into the most obnoxious, skinny jeans-wearing so-and-so you’ll ever meet. And if I have to, I’ll whip out ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ on a co-worker.”