NEW YORK — MSNBC has dismissed Pinocchio from his role as news fact-checker after his nose accidentally revealed the network’s chronic inability to get stories right.
“There’s no way we could continue to try and operate as a legitimate news network with a fact-checker that gives away our bias so readily, so freely,” CEO Phil Griffin said. “We can’t keep up the appearance of a being fair and balanced with such an accurate BS detector on staff.”
Asked about Pinocchio’s prior reputation for being unable to lie, Griffin said he and the other network executives were aware of it before they put him on staff.
“Frankly, we just didn’t believe it,” said Griffin, shaking his head slowly. “I mean, yeah, we’d all heard the reports and everything. But I guess we didn’t take them seriously.
“But we sure do now,” Griffin admitted. “Man, is that kid accurate. A lot more than we are, obviously.”
Griffin went onto say that with Pinocchio gone, his network can return to its style of over-generalizations, use of ‘anonymous sources,’ and reporting innuendo as fact.
“The little wooden boy with the long nose was preventing us from doing those things, which, frankly, meant we were no longer able to do what Americans had come to expect from us,” Griffin said.