USA — The Trump administration backed away from the brink of an interplanetary war after NASA announced that a “space traveler” Homeland Security agents found babbling incoherently along a remote Nevada highway was drunk guy from The Bronx.
“Look, it was an honest mistake,” Dr. John Waters, head of the space agency’s alien investigative division told reporters about the man they only identified a “Jimmy Sticks.”
“He was muttering incoherently and seemed to be speaking a dialect we’d never heard before,” Waters continued. “He was pointing at our agents on the ground and saying things like ‘HeyYOUSE,’ and, ‘gimmedat-tingover-dere.’ It was just alien gibberish to us. We had no idea it was an form of English communication.”
“Obviously,” Waters continued, “we’re going to have to update our language banks. Jimmy Sticks is from the Bronx, little did we know, and we don’t want to make this mistake again. The entire galaxy could have been at war by now.”
Asked about Jimmy’s disposition and whether he would be deported back to New York, Waters said the ‘alien’ was currently sleeping it off and would be given a plane ticket and a bottle for the trip home as soon as he was able to travel.