(WASHINGTON, D.C.) Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan, fed-up with the high court’s conservative majority, announced on Tuesday she would be offering up favorable rulings Republicans would support for deep discounts.
“I’ve had enough,” she said. “I’m now all about the saying, ‘If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, my principles be damned. But I’m not going to do it for free. I’ve got to get something out of abandoning all of my honor and integrity. So yeah, I guess what I’m saying is, my votes are now up for sale.”
Asked to explain what her new charges will be, Kagan noted that her office is currently drawing up a pricing plan and that it will be released soon so conservatives will know the exact amounts for which she is selling her soul.
“Look, this is a lifetime appointment, okay? And it gets old losing all the time. I know Justices Thomas and Alito are getting up there, but they are still plenty vigorous. And let’s face it – I’m not getting any younger, either. So the time to cash in is now, not later. Screw it. I’m gonna get what I can out of my own appointment to the high court,” Kagan clarified.
She added that buyers could get in on weekly deals regarding special court cases like adding new protections for Christians and depriving President Biden of his authorities.
