(WASHINGTON) The Biden administration has issued a warning to all female runners they should stay at least 2,200 miles away from the border after an illegal immigrant was arrested for the murder of a University of Georgia nursing student.
“Americans are all mourning the loss of that young lady,” said Department of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas. “But since actually closing the border is not the policy of the president, my best advice for young women who want to run outdoors is to stay at least 2,200 miles away from the border.
“In fact,” Mayorkas continued, “maybe it is better if young women don’t go outside at all, at least until the president is no longer in office. Perhaps we can fix our broken immigration system at some point if only Republicans in Congress cared as much as we do about the issue, but if not, maybe the next administration will have better luck.”
Mayorkas went on to refer Americans “to reports by respected media outlets like CNN, the Washington Post, and The New York Times who all have noted that the unfortunate death of that student had nothing at all to do with President Biden’s border policies.”
“In fact, there is no indication whatsoever that the suspect was intending to be in the country illegally. We have been told he is here to find a better life after suffering oppression in his home country,” Mayorkas added.
At press time, it’s unclear if Biden can even remember the late student’s name.
