(WASHINGTON, D.C.) In what Democrats are calling a massive blow to democracy, the Supreme Court has unanimously ruled that Americans get to pick who they want to be their president.
The landmark ruling has established that the Constitution means what it says and that voters should continue to cast ballots for the presidential candidate of their choice every four years.
Naturally, liberals were outraged.
“This is the most damaging ruling to democracy that I’ve ever seen!” blared washed-up former sportscaster Keith Olberman on the X platform. “This country is SCREWED! IT’S OVER!”
“I’m always mindful of the quote that we’re never one generation away from tyranny, and boy, was that true,” bellowed Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) on the Senate floor. “These justices — I’m looking at you, Kavanaugh, I’m looking at you, Gorsuch — have just destroyed our 240-year experiment in self-government!”
“I don’t believe for a second that our founders wanted the actual citizens of the country to choose the president,” Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.), a former bartender, added. “If I know anything, I know the Constitution, and this should have never been allowed. I just don’t know if I can continue living here.”
The 9-0 ruling that produced the 9-0 unanimous, no justice dissenting, ruling was in response to the noble effort by the state of Colorado to prevent residents from being able to vote for former President Donald Trump in November, in the name of preserving democracy.
As this story went to publication, the majority of Democrats had already predicted a dangerous era of self-governance ahead.
