(WASHINGTON) White House officials have assured the country that they ordered a fence installed around the Capitol Building not to keep Americans out but to prevent President Biden from wandering off during his State of the Union speech.
“Oh, it’s definitely a security precaution, there’s no doubt about it,” an anonymous staffer admitted. “But that’s to make sure Biden, who will be up well past his bedtime to deliver this speech, doesn’t aimlessly wander off at some point.
“We’ve got him wearing a Fitbit now so it would be possible to track him, but you never know. It’s like, how do little babies get out of their cribs so easy? It’s a mystery, right? Well, same thing with Biden. He could legit wander off and los that Fitbit somehow, someway, and we’d never find him. Worse, he’d never find his way back to the White House,” the source added.
Another official admitted that first lady Jill Biden had to give her permission to allow “Joey” to stay up late for a night, but only as a “treat.”
“He shouldn’t get used to it,” the first lady reportedly said. “This is a special occasion.”
Asked if Vice President Harris would be let off early from her shift at a local Barnes & Noble so she could attend, the address, the source replied, “Probably.”
