(WASHINGTON) Area pharmacies report that they once again have supplies of prescription stimulants in stock following President Biden’s State of the Union address.
“A few days before the speech, two Secret Service guys came in and bought my entire supply of stimulants,” Guy Blandino, a pharmacist at a local CVS story, said. “They didn’t really say why they were buying so much but honestly, I’m no dummy. I know what they were using it for.”
“I’ve never seen this happen before any other president’s annual address,” added Sheila Kenna, owner of a pharmacy close to the White House. “Two agents bought up all I had. Just now starting to get some back in stock. My regular stimulant patients were pissed. I couldn’t tell them why I was out, but they had their suspicions after watching Biden’s address! Quite lively, wasn’t he?”
The White House physician, Dr.Kevin O’Connor, denied that Biden was “juiced up” prior to his address.
“I bristle at the question,” he said. “How outrageous. The president is a vigorous guy. Why anyone would think differently, I can’t understand.”
He refused, however, to explain the dozens of empty Adderall containers in his trash can.
