(SOMEWHERE OVER TENNESEE) Former President Donald Trump, after agreeing to help House Republicans in their impeachment investigation, crank-called President Biden who was traveling aboard Air Force One, pretending to be first son Hunter Biden.
“Hey pop, I’ve got some good news for us,” Trump, pretending to be Hunter, said, according to a transcript. “Remember those foreign business deals I told ya I had in the works? Well, they’re gonna go through after you signed that executive order — and you know which one I’m talking about.”
“Hi, son, that’s great,” Joe responded. “I never doubted you for a second. You always come through for us.”
“Thanks, pops,” Trump said in his best Hunter voice. “Now, they’re gonna need you to move on that ‘issue’ very quickly, okay? They don’t like to wait around after a deal is made, as you well know. So the sooner you make that transfer, the better, alright? Can I tell ’em it’s a done deal?”
“Hang on, son,” Joe said. “I’m getting my cut, right? 10 for the big guy?”
“GOTCHA, JOE!” Trump shouted, hanging up the phone.
At press time, the White House is essentially denying everything, including that Hunter is even Joe’s son.
