(Atlanta, Ga.) CNN CEO Mark Thompson announced that in order to bolster his network’s sagging ratings, he has ordered producers to broadcast more Fox News content.
“There is an old saying in the news business that goes, ‘If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em,'” said Thompson during his announcement. “So beginning today, we will start broadcasting much more of Fox News’ content on our feeds. I feel that is the best, most effective way to bolster viewership!”
“Plus, I look at this as a huge cost-saving opportunity,” he continued. “No more multimillion-dollar contracts for on-air talent that isn’t talented enough to bring in viewers. Oh, sure, we’ll have to help pay some of Fox’s talent now that we’ll be using their content, but that’ll be cheaper than paying for a daytime and primetime line-up where the only captive audience is in a couple hundred airports around the country.”
Thompson reiterated that the Fox segment broadcasting would begin “immediately.”
“We have people cleaning out their desks as we speak,” he noted. “I didn’t want to wait for one more moment, let alone another rating period. Sheesh, those have been horrible days!”
