(Washington, D.C.) President Joe Biden stunned White House officials when he suddenly announced he was appointing the Easter Bunny as his new chief of staff.
“This is all news to me,” now-former Chief of Staff Jeff Zients told reporters as he was packing up his desk. “I thought I was serving the president well, but I guess that wasn’t the case. I don’t mean to sound bitter, but it would have been nice if someone would have told me the president was even considering a replacement.
“And then for it to be someone who only comes around once a year, that’s even more devastating,” Zients continued. “Who’s going to run the White House the other 364 days out of the year? Couldn’t this have become a co-chief of staff position, like we have this co-presidency now with Joe Biden and Kamala Harris?”
Asked what he planned to do next, Zients was at a loss to say.
“I dunno,” he sulked. “Imagine having to put ‘replaced by the Easter Bunny’ on a job application about how you lost your last job. It’s humiliating, and I guess I don’t mind saying that.”
