(West Palm Beach, Fla.) President Biden suddenly ordered Attorney General Merrick Garland to drop all federal prosecutions of Donald Trump after the former president promised 10 percent of the soaring Truth Social stock “for the big guy.”

“Frankly, we thought of this a long time ago, but we had to wait for the stock to go public after the merger went through,” Trump said at his Mar-a-Lago estate. “The deal is standard — it’s the same one Crooked Joe has been getting all along, apparently. ’10 percent for the big guy.’ Tony Bobulinski said that was Joe, so we made the offer and what do you know? The investigations just stopped.

“We were going to win our cases anyway because I have the greatest lawyers in the country — the very best. We were going to win anyway, easily I would say, we were going to win, but now, ’10 percent for the big guy,'” he continued. “Truth Social stock is the hot item, so 10 percent for the big guy, that’s a lot.”

A spokeswoman for the Justice Department denied that the stock aware had anything at all to do with Garland ordering the prosecution halted.

“That’s a ridiculous assumption,” the spokesperson said. “The president’s standard deal is well-known.”

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