(Tempe, Ariz.) A new survey commissioned by Arizona State University found that a large majority of Americans believe the White House is now primarily being used as a retirement and nursing home.

“This isn’t going to play well with the Biden campaign, of course, but perception is reality in today’s world,” Dr. Josh Simpson, the university’s director of political science, said when discussing the polling results. “While the White House isn’t an actual nursing home, it is being looked at that way.

“We aren’t making any statements about President Biden’s health or mental status, though I think we certainly could,” Simpson continued. “Anyone with eyes and ears could do that. It’s folly at this point to deny what we are witnessing. Now, as to what operational changes they’ve made at the White House to accommodate our, let’s say ‘aged,’ president, we can’t know for sure.

“But most Americans clearly believe they’ve made some adjustments. I mean, the guy doesn’t even use the tall steps anymore to board Air Force One! They’re afraid he’ll fall and do Lord knows what to himself!” Simpson added.

The White House refused to comment except to say that Biden “is certainly still president, we can all see that.”

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