(Portland, Ore.) In what medical and religious figures are calling a “bona fide miracle,” a newborn boy thanked his mom and dad for allowing him to go full term while also vowing to do “great things in a few years.”
“I wanted to let them know how grateful I was,” the infant known only as “Baby Jake” told medical staff, according to an eyewitness. “I told them I planned on doing great things now that I’m in this world, but I’m just a little guy right now so it’s going to be a few years before I really shine, so to speak.”
Baby Jake especially thanked his mother, whose name was withheld because she didn’t want the notoriety.
“I really have to give it to her, she avoided spicy foods, stuff that was bad for her and me, and stuck to a good, clean diet,” Jake noted before getting a little sparkle in his eye.
“I guess I’m going to tattle on her now, though,” he began. “There were those nights when she went a little heavy on the apple juice! Man, that stuff can really cause some heartburn in a little guy when he gets too much of it!”
The witness said one doctor asked Baby Jake what he wanted to be when he grew up so he could do those ‘great things,’ and his response reportedly drew laughs.
“I’m not really sure! I just got here, so I don’t even know what their is to do!” he quipped.
After he was finished speaking, Baby Jake reverted back to being a normal newborn, witnesses said, cooing and snuggling with his beaming parents.
