(Augusta, Ga.) A 92-year-old woman living on ground sought after by the Augusta National Golf Club, home to the annual Masters tournament, says the organization can have her home “when they pry it out of my cold, dead fingers.”

“Money ain’t everything,” Elizabeth Thacker, who has lived in the home with her now-late husband since they built it in 1959, said. “Golf ain’t everything, either. I got my dignity, and I got this property, and I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

“I know those greedy freeloaders who used to live in the neighborhood here that has been bought up and bulldozed around me took their millions and run, but I ain’t the runnin’ type,” said the defiant Thacker. “And for the record, I always thought Jack Nicolaus was always better’n that Tiger kid, whatever his name is.”

At last check, the 92-year-old Thacker was seen out in her yard digging a hole to plant a new tree, a sign she isn’t leaving anytime soon. “I’m gonna enjoy watching that thing grow,” she chuckled.

Discover more from The Daily Wasp Satire

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading