After nearly a decade of “moving closer,” the Department of Justice insists it’s now just steps away from deciding whether James Comey will face charges. Observers note the process has taken longer than the construction of most medieval cathedrals.
“Look, we’re making great progress,” said one unnamed DOJ source. “First, we moved closer. Then we moved even closer. Next week, we plan to move slightly adjacent.”
Former FBI Director James Comey, reached for comment outside his Virginia home, rolled his eyes and said: “If they actually indict me, I’ll eat Hillary’s server. And that’s not a metaphor.”
Attorney General Pam Bondi, meanwhile, struck a more confident tone. “We’re not saying when, but let’s just say Mr. Comey should probably avoid making long-term dinner reservations.”
One DOJ insider admitted, “We thought about indicting him last year, but we had a pretty intense fantasy football season. Priorities, you know?”
