President Donald Trump announced plans to sign an executive order targeting “radical left-wing organizations that incite violence,” though aides clarified the list of groups may also include a yoga co-op in Portland, three sociology departments, and the cast of The View.
“Enough is enough,” Trump said. “They’re not just violent — they’re boring. And that’s a crime too.”
While the White House has not released a full list, insiders say the order specifically mentions “anyone with a drum circle,” the Portland Vegan Potluck Collective, and the Antifa Knitting & Crochet Guild.
“These groups are violent, dangerous, and worst of all, they don’t respect hamburgers,” Trump added in a press conference. “We’re talking about people who want to replace Fourth of July fireworks with interpretive dance. It has to stop.”
Vice President JD Vance applauded the move, adding: “Frankly, I’ve never trusted a man in skinny jeans. Or kombucha. It’s suspicious.”
Democrats quickly pushed back. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) told reporters: “I’ve been to the Vegan Potluck. The only thing violent there was the lentil loaf.”
Meanwhile, a spokesperson for the Antifa Knitting & Crochet Guild denied wrongdoing: “We are a peaceful organization dedicated to producing handmade scarves. Yes, some are black scarves, but that’s purely aesthetic.”
Even the local yoga studio felt the need to weigh in. “We do downward dog, not domestic terrorism,” said Harmony Sunshine, founder of Sunbeam Yoga Collective.
