WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Senate reached a historic milestone Thursday as the government shutdown entered its 10th consecutive day, officially breaking the chamber’s long-standing record for “most consecutive days of doing absolutely nothing.”
Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer proudly announced the achievement at a press conference, saying, “It’s not easy maintaining this level of gridlock. It takes real effort to get 100 people to agree on doing nothing for this long.”
Senate Majority Leader John Thune (R-SD) offered bipartisan praise for the dysfunction. “We may disagree on everything else,” Thune said, “but when it comes to wasting taxpayer money while achieving nothing, this body truly shines.”
The latest vote to end the shutdown failed 59–41, prompting senators from both parties to pat themselves on the back for “sticking to tradition.”
President Donald Trump, speaking from the White House, congratulated Congress on its consistency. “Ten days and counting — tremendous work,” Trump said. “Nobody shuts down a government better than America. Other countries are jealous. Believe me, Putin called — he was very impressed.”
Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) responded to the milestone by introducing the End Government Inefficiency Act, which analysts say consists entirely of yelling at billionaires. “This shutdown is the fault of the one percent!” Sanders shouted to no one in particular.
Meanwhile, Senator John Fetterman (D-PA) appeared in a hoodie and shorts on the Senate floor to ask if anyone had considered “just doing their jobs.” He was immediately escorted out for violating the dress code.
Public reaction has been mixed. One Washington bureaucrat said he “barely noticed” the shutdown, explaining, “I’ve been pretending to work from home since 2020.” Another federal employee celebrated the occasion with a balloon that read, ‘Day 10 — Still Getting Paid Eventually!’
Asked when the government might reopen, Schumer sighed and said, “As soon as CNN stops calling it the Schumer Shutdown.”
