WASHINGTON, D.C. — After more than two weeks of gridlock and finger-pointing, congressional Democrats are now demanding that former President Donald Trump personally attend shutdown negotiations, citing “a deep, nostalgic yearning” to yell at him face-to-face.
“We just miss the energy,” confessed Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, clutching a stress ball shaped like Trump’s head. “Yelling at Republicans isn’t the same. When you yelled at Trump, it meant something. It was art.”
Sources inside the Capitol say the idea came during a closed-door strategy session when Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez suggested “summoning Trump” to spice things up. “This isn’t about solving the shutdown,” she clarified. “This is about healing our inner child — the one that still wants to shout at him during committee hearings.”
President Trump responded enthusiastically. “The Democrats are begging me to come back — they always do,” he said during an impromptu press conference outside a golf course. “They miss me because I was the only one who could keep the lights on and keep the ratings up. Nobody’s watching C-SPAN anymore. Sad!”
Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) said he supports the idea — mostly for entertainment value. “Honestly, we could use the distraction,” he said. “Watching Trump call Schumer ‘Cryin’ Chuck’ live on national TV again might boost morale around here.”
White House aides reportedly reacted with concern, fearing the move could turn the shutdown talks into what one staffer described as “a pay-per-view event hosted by WWE.”
