COLUMBUS, S.C. — The head Joe Biden’s 2020 presidential campaign threw in the towel Wednesday when he decided there’s no path to victory after the the former vice president was founding drooling and mumbling on a nearby school playground at recess.
“That’s it,” said campaign manager Seth Rogers, who just days ago had to remind Biden he was running for president, not shop steward for the Political Grifter’s Union Local 667 in Falls Creek, Va.
“He just can’t do this anymore. It’s over. He’s reached the end of the trail, politically speaking,” Rogers said.
Asked where Biden was, the campaign chief said he had a staffer pin a note to the former VP’s jacket that said, “I’m Joe Biden,” before putting him on a Greyhound back to Delaware.
“It’s one thing to tell people you’re running for the wrong office. And it’s easy on the campaign trail to forget where you are, even the number of times the former VP forgot,” Rogers noted further.
“But the drooling and the mumbling so close to so many young girls really rattled us,” Rogers said, a reference to Biden’s habit of inappropriately touching children.
“It was a hard decision for us, but one we believe really is best for our country,” he said.
Campaign officials were not clear about Biden’s future, though they speculated that gazing aimlessly out of the front window of his home for hours on end would probably take up the majority of his days from here on.