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Kansas plans to add hills, valleys, and forests so people won’t avoid driving through Kansas

TOPEKA — The Kansas state legislature approved a plan to move entire mountains, dig valleys, and import several forests that will be installed along major interests to make driving through much more interesting for tourists.

Understanding the state’s reputation as being a flat, featureless, uninspiring strip of never-ending farmland, lawmakers and the governor decided they needed to do something drastic or risk having tourists simply bypass Kansas altogether.

“This has been a dream of ours for years,” Gov. Laura Kelly told reporters. “Now mind you, this isn’t just going to be your ordinary, run-of-the-mill beautification project, no, no. We’re really gunning for a much better quality tourist than, say, the people who have to suffer driving through Oklahoma or, god forbid, New Mexico.”

“When we’re done, we want people who have passed through our state to really generate some buzz,” Kelly continued. “We want them to tell friends, ‘Hey, you know, Kansas isn’t that bad to drive through anymore.’ And our hope is they won’t drive like their rear ends are on fire to get out of Kansas.”

With the addition of new land features, Kelly said she hopes next to attract just enough wildlife to get them declared engendered species in the state.

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